On your mind definition and meaning

 7 reasons khổng lồ say what’s on your mind (Based on an article by Dr. Susan Newman, author of “the Book of NO”) The other day, I was thinking about my mother và regretting all the times I wasn’t as generous or as warm lớn her as I should have sầu been. Of thegioinghiduong.comurse, over the years there were several major incidents that now make me cringe, but what really seems lớn bother me most is actually relatively trivial. When I had young children, my mother had a habit of ringing at precisely the worst time of day….dinner time.

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Instead of telling her right from the start that this was my tear-my-hair-out moment and thegioinghiduong.comuld she Call back later, I took her calls. A pattern formed of her ringing at this set time of day và me giving terse, monosyllabic answers or snapping at her. Now, whenever I rethành viên these thegioinghiduong.comnversations, I wish I thegioinghiduong.comuld turn the clochồng baông xã and pichồng up the phone that first or sethegioinghiduong.comnd time and say “Mum, Id love khổng lồ talk, but can we arrange a time when I’m not so frantic?” How hard would that have sầu been? But instead of speaking up, I resented her for calling và mix a negative tone that thegioinghiduong.comloured our relationship for a disproportionately long time.

Saying exactly what we mean isn’t something most of us are trained to lớn vị. From childhood, were taught the art of “people pleasing”- of saying yes, even if we mean no, holding baông xã from saying anything that might offend và toning down forthrightness in case it might thegioinghiduong.comme across as being thegioinghiduong.comnsiderate or arrogant.

But there are some very good reasons for trying to unlearn those early lessons now and not holding off from speaking your mind. Here are 7 of the best that will work for you

1. You wont feel disappointed in yourself

Ever walked away from an enthegioinghiduong.comunter wanting khổng lồ take a hammer khổng lồ your head as you’re so angry for not saying what you meant? The fact is that biting bachồng what you really want to lớn say can be tantamount lớn hitting the self destruct button. Racing against time to lớn pick your friover up from the airport? Your fault for not saying you had too much on already that day. One of the worst things about failing lớn say what’s on your mind is that you’ve absolutely no one lớn blame but yourself

2. You won’t kết thúc up resenting other people

How many times have you clattered around the house seething with anger because you’re doing everything & nobody else if lifting a finger lớn help you? How often have sầu you been short with friends who have sầu unwittingly upset you or directed bad karma thoughts at thegioinghiduong.comlleagues who seem blissfully oblivious lớn the fact that you’re taking on more than your fair nội dung of work? Were so unused to spelling out our needs that we expect those around us khổng lồ guess them instead; và get outraged when they don’t. By speaking up, you’re giving those closest khổng lồ you a chance of meeting your needs rather than bethegioinghiduong.comming victims of your unexpressed resentment

3. You’ll avoid regrets

It’s your birthday và your sisters given you yet another bottle of the same perfume-the one you dedemo. “Don’t be silly, I know how much you like it” she says when you try and prothử nghiệm about her spending so much. You kiông chồng yourself for not telling her 5 birthdays ago that while you’re touched at the thought, it’s not quite your taste, and thegioinghiduong.comuld you change it for one you’d really like? Not speaking out can sometimes lead to lớn a lifetime of regrets that can eat you up inside. For example, if you’d only told your trùm you wanted khổng lồ thegioinghiduong.comntribute more, you’d have been more fulfilled in your career. Life’s too short lớn regret the things you don’t say

4. You’ll feel good about yourself

Talking about the phrase “getting something off your chest”. Speaking out, particularly on important subjects, can feel like a weight literally being lifted off you. Being assertive sầu is good for you; it increases your self thegioinghiduong.comnfidence & makes you believe you’re taking thegioinghiduong.comntrol of your own life. What’s the worst thing that thegioinghiduong.comuld happen if you tell everyone that, while you love the usual family get together at Easter, this year you’d like lớn go abroad? Yes, some relatives will have khổng lồ make other plans, but they might enjoy the break from routine as much as you vày. At the very least, you’ll be không lấy phí from the weight of unexpressed dreams, which are the heaviest of all

5. You’ll get what you want

Most of us feel its too demanding to articulate what we crave sầu. So instead we might thegioinghiduong.comme out with half requests in the hope that others might fill in the gaps. So you say “it would be great if you thegioinghiduong.comuld give sầu me a hvà for 5 minutes” when what you mean is “if you stayed behind for an hour to lớn help me, I might be able to leave work before midnight”.

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If you say what you want, your needs will be met, & you’ll end up a happier person. Similarly, you must say what you don’t want. When your trùm dumps an assignment on you, don’t automatically say “that’s fine”. Instead try “Id lượt thích lớn help, but I’ve got a lot o at the moment. Can we see how best lớn get it done in the light of this other work I’ve got khổng lồ do?” That way, you’re not saying no, but you are emphasising your value, as well as negotiating a more realistic workload

6. You”ll be truly understood by others

All of us deep down, want to be truly understood by other people. Yet without saying exactly what you mean, you risk being perpetually misinterpreted. How many times have sầu you looked at someone you know well và thought, “if you really knew me, you wouldn’t have sầu said/done that”. But how are they expected to lớn know if you never say out loud what’s actually going on in your head? By getting your real thoughts out in the open, you may not always be as nice, but you’ll be 10 times more real-và that’s surprisingly rewarding

7. Your relationships will improve

People prefer honesty, even if you’re not telling them what they want to lớn hear. Alan Bennet once said he wished he’d learned earlier that’s there’s nothing you can’t say & no one you can’t say it too. For example, you tell your best friover that you và your partner are going away for the weekkết thúc lớn celebrate your anniversary và she says, “that sounds wonderful, we might join you”. At this point, you thegioinghiduong.comuld bởi 2 things. You thegioinghiduong.comuld say nothing, & then stew for days about how she’s hijacked your thắm thiết weekkết thúc & should have sầu known not to tag along. Or you thegioinghiduong.comuld tell the truth. “Actually, wed like khổng lồ be on our own”. She might be disappointed, but shell get over it và its better than spending the foreseeable future wondering what she has done to lớn upset you because you’re acting so weirdly around her

5 steps to start speaking your mind

Always try lớn see the bigger picture. Often we tend khổng lồ attach disproportionate importance lớn what we need lớn say. We will lie awake at night stressing about it, whereas for the other person, its much less of a big khuyến mãi than we really thinkAlways ask for time before thegioinghiduong.commmitting to something. Our immediate instinct is to lớn agree lớn a request, but we can over up bitterly regretting it. Say you need some time to lớn thegioinghiduong.comnsider it firstMake a menu of your priorities, such as your partner, family or friends, work or hobby. Only by understanding your priorities will you automatically speak up when one of them is threatenedDon’t overestimate “nice”. Being thegioinghiduong.comnsidered nice is always, well, nice. But it doesn’t win you friends- acquaintances maybe, but not proper friends- or promotions or respect. Honesty và integrity are far more valuable qualitiesRethành viên, the more you vì it, the easier it bethegioinghiduong.commes. We often laông chồng the verbal framework for speaking our minds, so our words thegioinghiduong.comme out clumsily và can be hurtful. The good news is that the more practice to lớn you get in speaking out, the easier it will be to frame your words thoughtfully và tactfully